Nights You'll Remember But Maybe Don't Want To

And the tears come in waves 

And the smoke comes in drones 

And the cops come but we don't need em

And you're far away 

And missing is all I've known 

And drunken girls are loud 

And skinny is all they strive for 

And you are all that I want 

And they're not what I wanna be 

But this is all I've seen 

And this is all I know 

And I'm okay with that 

And really, should I be? 

Cause love is overused

And you never did mean it 

And I cannot  lose you now 

And you're the one I needed

And loud is all they cared about 

And I didn't wanna be here 

And in your arms I'm found 

And with you I really mean it. 

But can this even happen? 

And is crazy really normal? 

And I guess we'll have to see

And I guess we'll all just be.

J. 

I'm out

I wanted to go to your cabin out in the beauty, where the mood would be all the light I need to see your beautiful eyes.
I wanted photographs that would've shown us.
I wanted to lean on your shoulder and think that everything was okay.
I wanted to hold your face in my hands and think you were more beautiful than I.
I wanted you.
And you weren't "into it."
But that's a lie.
You're just scared.
And I was too.
But you talked me out of it.
Made me feel it instead.
And now all I feel are tears and heartbreak.
Of abandonment and rejection.
On top of the false sense of it being you and not me.
And he said you missed me.
The reality was that I missed.
I missed it all.
Every time.
Third strike's the charm.

J.

Letter Men

The trickling didn’t come in time with my emotions. The buzzing was instead pounding within my pulse. There was something about it that I always questioned. I tried to drive it out with the alphabet but it ended up sounding like this:

 AB&C didn’t take me very far. 


DE&F bullied me to the bridge. 


GH&I kept to themselves in my misery. 


JK&L pushed me over it, into another world. 


MN&O came to save me but were out of order with the wrong timing. 


PQ&R confused me and used me but I kept walking. 


ST&U were never really the bad guys, just conquerers of my path. 


VW&X were my makeover crew. 


Z, well we’ll just have to see. 

J.

Beauty and the Beast

And she looked beautiful tonight but you could see everything, feel everything under all that. With the look he gave her, her heart felt like his throat and she knew, she just knew. She'd always been the biggest actress there never was and the moment she said goodbye to him, I shook my head and knew her. I knew her... I knew her beauty and all the beast that it entailed.

J.

Mr. Demmit

His lack of sense humoresques me, seemingly whole-heartedly, to a point where I almost felt bad (but then, I was losing myself). The smell up those stairs took me back to the days of caves on much different stairs that no longer exist. With thoughts in the same place but in different ways entirely, unable to go back in that direction.

J.

Rolled Up

We let it all fall before we let the walls come crumbling down. When, then, they go right back up on repeat though the words sounded terrible and now it's such an original song that could be so beautiful. But she spoke about the facade that the pretties put up and I couldn't help but relate to the ugly side of that. And you blamed me for my memory while yours seems extinguished to all I deserve. She was derogatory for deleting the doormat. I was derogatory for ending up on the floor where I pushed you to her and I should've just let her suck you in. I thought our roles were reversed, I'd love to see the ending of you two, blindly in the same roles. And how you'd both get so screwed up and miss out on the rolling of the mat.

J.

Locker

Days blurring together and you're running after them. The packs of M&Ms are a specific number and it's simply insignificant altogether. The smiles and hellos make no difference and the effects of it all seem catastrophic in tiny ways that almost erupt as a volcano. The scissors almost stab the things you want the most while the OCD and duller things screw up the almost material thing that you've worked the most on. The stress isn't what they think it is. The gorgeous eyes, he got right but the emotions behind them, he doesn't have a clue about. The pressure in the head seems sharply constant and constantly dull. The anger seems psychotic and the bottle seems so weak. The little things are the biggest yet somehow the most irrelevant. You walk the ground and fly the sky but you're absolutely nowhere in between. So many big places you can choose to go, yet your choices are infinitely limited. The faces and places they consist of let you down constantly and the only sort of security seems to be an unfair small box where they say locks are required but there are ways around it...

J. 

From Shadows to the Warmth

Running from the shadows, trying to find the warmth. Turn the music up as loud as the human ear drum can tolerate. Maybe you can lose your voice trying to sing as loud. Every effort is made to shut out the brain. But the carefree attitude he warned me would fade keeps coming and going and I try so desperately for it to work but the bear is wise and as much as I hate to admit it, I know he's right. And she sings, 'you're the one for me' softly into my ear and I'm not entirely sure she knows what she's talking about because that's what he told me and so did he and I did and everything just got screwed up and nothing came out true. I know the bear is aware that hurting comes from hurting and I hope he doesn't hurt anymore but I'm not sure I'll ever stop because I'm aware that hurting comes from hurting so I'm hurting and hurting. The things that used to make me cry, just don't anymore but I cry at everything anyway and I cry so much that I'll just want to run away from the shadows and find some warmth.

J.

Between the Two of You

Travel all across the world just to meet her... And she's traveling to meet you and you both go so far but actually go nowhere. And when she's standing right in front of you and you know exactly what's going through her head. You both look down and part ways because you haven't really met her yet. But you had her already so you'll never even know.

J.

Jr.

And when I hold my breath, the flames are still. But even when they're gone, wax spills.
My skin, it burns, while my stomach, it churns.
And through the sobs, my head still throbs.
The bag is getting creases and of me, it's getting pieces.
My heart is all wrong, you took it with that song.
In the books, I haven't hooked.
Instead my voice feels the choice.
With hate, it seems my fate.
I soon find desire in the thought I could retire
into my soul, if it hasn't yet turned into a black hole.
I guess we'll wait and see what I'll soon be...

J.