Largest Door; Smallest Room

Ordinary faces not profound.

In ordinary places all around.

Gaze to your left.

Now to your right.

Ordinary face?

Yes, veritably.

Not another glance, not a second thought.

Simply more ordinary face to surround the ordinary places we are bound.

An open door, an ordinary door.

Hath an ordinary face pressed against its small piece of glass.

So many; many, many faces and places to see.

All so very ordinary, how can that be?

Maybe one day you'll reach an extraordinary place and all of the ordinary places make it oh so more extraordinary.

Maybe you'll open an extraordinary door and find all the extraordinary faces behind a huge beautiful glass.

And when will you realize;

that the extraordinary places were the places you've been the whole time

that the extraordinary faces are the ones you've been seeing all along?

J.

messy

tear my heart out,
leave me suffereing.
why can't you just walk away from me?
you spend your time confused
and confusing me.
drawing me near
only to stab me in the heart over and over?
ha!
you humor me.
you hurt me, you cure me, you make me smile, you make me cry.
but in the end, no matter how bad it is, all I can do is laugh.
laugh at the irony.
laugh how pathetic it all is.
at the anger, at the joy, at the pain.
so I guess I owe you a thankyou.
thankyou.
okay there.
what for?
because I like to laugh.
oh you think I'm happy?
haha
there you go again.
so maybe I do want you in my life.
I mean laughing at something that's funny gets boring right?
so I need you here to make me laugh out of pain.
well isn't this all just a big ball of confusion.
there you have it people.
me, being pummeled by this.
this
this
what is this?
my hands just stopped typing, the words just stopped flowing.
I guess I have to leave it for you to figure out.
maybe I'll figure it out.
or maybe, maybe that's part of the humor.
HA
HA
HA


J.

Here's To You

"Analyze yourself. Your understanding of yourself and the world will continue to expand-"
She'll learn.
She'll learn from every single thing that is placed, dropped, thrown, kicked or shoved into her path.
She'll learn more about who she is and who she's longing to become.
She'll inspect every object, plow through the dilemma it creates and pursue her way forward.
She'll become the strongest woman you'll lose the privilege to behold in your life.
She may not be the most athletic girl, with the muscle to punch you and make you shed pathetic tears but she has the brains, heart, and will to kill you slowly from the inside out.
She may still love you, and be unwilling and defiant to hurt you but it's what you deserve.
You didn't realize what you possessed when you had her.
No one realizes what they have when they have her.
She's the one that got away. But it's too late, there's no turning back now. The damage is done. You deserve to wallow in misery knowing you turned your path away from the most amazing path you may never again have the chance to set foot on.
You'll have to have to watch from the other side of a barbed wire fence while she moves along her beautiful path.
She'll understand herself.
Her world will expand.
She WILL love again...

J.

a love?

a love so beautiful.
born within a heart so tender.
seeded in the land of make believe.
the land where sometimes things just go that way.
the right way.
the good way.
not this way.
the wrong way.
the broken, beaten, belittled, beguiled way.
that way leads to me.
a love so beautiful.
born within a heart so torn.
seeded in the land of tragedy, lies, complications, control, denial, pain...
that land.
the land that is holding me captive.
the same land I've been in my whole life.
the land I've learned to deal with.
the land I deserve to desert...
maybe with a love?
maybe with a love so beautiful.
a love so beautiful, it lights all the darkness.
a love so beautiful, it heals all the pain.
a love so beautiful, it takes you the right way.
a love so beautiful, I am incompetent in describing it.
a love so beautiful...
that it simply cannot exist.


J.

questions of trust;

do you trust? do you trust in me? do you trust in life? in friends? in love? do you trust only in what is there? or even the unseen? would you trust to walk over a rocky bridge? what if there was a net to catch you? Would you trust that one to spend the night holding you? what if you weren’t sure they would be by your side when your eyes fluttered open to the morning sun? would yo trust your instincts if something went so very wrong? What if you knew you couldn’t go wrong? what if either way something had to be sacrificed? Would you trust someone enough to pass the buck? or would you trust the situation enough to simply pass it to anyone; even one whom you have no trust in at all? Do you trust those little trust games? who would you deceive you in front of witnesses? wouldn’t they catch you now and let you fall later when it hurts so bad the ground would actually feel like a pillow? do you trust the actual potential trustworthy who are the ones that let you fall for their own amusement? do you trust promises made to you? what if they pinky promised? do you trust a person who’s broken a promise? do you trust one with a broken promise? or do you simply live on a sliver of trust for that promise based on false hope? do you trust your own heart? what about in the hands of someone elses trust? what about in the hands of the trust you have for trust? would you trust trust to hold your heart safely? or will trust just drag your heart along on the ground behind it? will trust shatter and break your heart? do you trust your heart to be strong? strong enough to hold itself together? strong enough to pull itself back together when its broken into pieces and scattered? do you trust your mind? do you trust it to protect your heart? but at the same time allow your heart to live? do you trust your mind to help your heart open up to people? what if your mind knows your heart could potentially get hurt? isn’t that just another risk you have to trust yourself to take? do you trust yourself to take that risk? do you trust love? that it even exists? who do you trust as capable of loving? do you trust yourself to love another? to be loved? even though with any love comes some pain? do you trust the love to overcome the pain? or would you simply rather not try? do you trust seeing into those eyes of love? would you trust it even if you couldn’t see it? do you trust if its real? do you trust any of this is real?
do you trust?


J.